Waiting In Limbo.

I’m not too sure how this happened to us. Everything was so perfect. We were perfect. You were perfect. Literally, in the in the turn of a minute, we came crumbling down.

I had never seen a love like ours in real life. It was the kind of love you only saw in the movies: the one that you really believed did not actually exist, but was just written in scripts and made up to sell motion pictures. The kind of love that changes your life: changes you. Both of us could not work out what we had done to be so lucky. So lucky to have found that one person who completes you. That one person who makes you a better person. That one person who is you. You are them. Both as one. It is the best feeling in the world, to be so sure of someone. To look into their eyes, and literally see your future. And God, when I looked into his striking blue eyes, so filled with passion, I could see through my own soul. That is how deeply we were connected. On our own, we were ordinary. But together, we were invincible. Perfect. Incredible. There were never fake smiles to show off to the world that faded into bitter silences behind closed doors. No. With us – what you saw is what you got. We shared a love so strong, it felt like we could conquer wars through it.

But what happens when one struggle triggers something in both people that brings out their worst? Seeing sides of each other that become the main source of one another’s pain. How does one moment turn the most beautiful unconquerable bond into the most bittersweet situation? Nobody said love was easy. But when you have had a taste of perfection, the hard times are exaggerated in your mind. The pain is more striking on your heart. The sadness is more tragic. It tears me apart to wonder if we will ever get back to that euphoric bond we shared, or is this whole situation a white wall tainted with a red streak of paint? People say love is worth fighting for. But is it not better to end the ordeal before all that remains are bad memories of pain and bitterness? To leave before everything good about the relationship goes up in smoke. I am not sure which is the right path to go: to leave remembering the man who was so perfect, or to stay and fight for a love that may be too tainted to repair. All I know is that my world is torn apart right now, and I am waiting in Limbo. I am waiting for a sign. I am waiting for love. I am heartbroken waiting in Limbo, but I am waiting for you.

Miss Nothing

This band has really surprised me. I have never really been one for "argghhh my life is so evil, I am such a rebel" moan moan people such as Taylor Momsen, but there is something I really dig about her. Her style, her music, her 'fuck you' attitude - it all works for her, and makes me want to see more and more of The Pretty Reckless. Right now I am loving them. I think her voice is so unique - kind of like a female version of The Kings Of Leon. Its hot!

I think this video is absolutely AMAZING. I love, love, love it! The art direction is unbelievable: the concept of the video, the colors, the way everything is positioned, what Taylor is wearing - everything. This is definitely one of the best music videos I have ever seen by far and I can't wait for Miss Nothing to make some more awesome, hot stuff!

Redemption

Photoshoot using the idea of Redemption. The model is consumed by darkness while she faces the light because she is waiting to be redeemed.

Brighter Than Sunshine

The music pumped vivaciously, pulsating through my veins. Reaching every fragment of my body. Isn’t that the best feeling? When you just close your eyes, and without you even realising it, your whole body is moving to the rhythm of the beat. Your heart, your soul, sparked up like an electric shock. Your mind, filled with contentment. There I was, experiencing the music and the happiness. There he was, being the music and the happiness. When I opened my eyes and saw him – my heart stopped. He took my breath away. He was like a revolver. Shooting bullets of color and vivacity through the grey room. I had never seen someone enjoy each exact moment with such passion. Just looking at him, he made me feel alive.

The night I met him, I was so lost. Lost in my heart, lost in my life. So I lost myself in the music. But he found me. He found me. He brought me back to where I really belong. He brought my soul back to life. Now he is the music that I get lost in. He is the one who consumes my body, allowing my heart and my soul to feel the contentment with my eyes closed tightly. He is the one that pumps vivaciously through my body.

He came like a comet out of space, bursting and impacting my whole entire world, lighting it up brighter than the sun ever could.

Coffee, Or No Coffee?

Life. It is one of the most magical and most unpredictable things that no one will ever truly understand – no matter how many spirits they believe they can talk to. There are just so many layers to life. It is too complicated for anyone to see through. Whether you have just studied to become a genius chemical engineer like my insanely clever brother, or whether you are like me – completely lost and unsure of the direction you want to take during your journey on Earth. And what are the odds of having two people so different, yet so connected? Sometimes, actually most of the time, we will just never understand the way certain things were selected.

I will never understand why good people are hit with the emotional and physical disaster of cancer. Like a tsunami that hits your world, when you did nothing wrong. You were just there on the beach when the wave came over. Cancer is the same. You were just there living, when the doctors tell you that for no particular reason – your whole world is about to fall apart. What about the bad people who get away with murder. Literally. Why do they get to be set free? Many of us see this as unfair. “Life is unfair kiddo,” we are told. We don’t understand it, and so we just have to accept it.

I will never understand why this force of nature would give a child to the mother who leaves that baby girl in the downtown trash can as she takes her first breath of fresh air. Why are some people born into homes of luxury and love, while others are born into gangs? Natural born killers. What choice do they have, really?

I don’t know if I believe in fate, or destiny. I don’t know if I believe everything is a coincidence. I do know that I have recognised that the choices we make, no matter how tiny, can affect your whole life. If that young woman had just decided to not have her coffee this morning, she would have left ten minutes earlier for work. That out-of-control truck would have not hit her. She would have been alive. But she is not. She is stone cold dead. That is the result of her life: based on one choice. Coffee, or no coffee? This is how our whole life plays out. Each thing that happens is a result of the choices we make previously. Whether these choices are our destiny, or just pure coincidences? Well, that I am not too sure of.

This is what gets to most of us: the not knowing. We don’t know who we are, and we don’t know what we are supposed to be doing. We spend a crazy amount of time, at some point, trying to figure out what the purpose of life is. We go through phases of “I’m trying to find myself”. We waste time on trying to answer all these unanswered questions, that we simply miss out on the authentic magnificence of the mysteries of life. We try to understand the reason for everything that happens, that we don’t appreciate the beauty of the fact that it did happen. The boy who got stabbed, but met his soul mate in the hospital. The girl who was late for the bank by five minutes, and the bank ended up getting robbed. The child who never had one loving family and goes on to write a bestselling book where he meets his wife and has three beautiful children.

We can torture ourselves and question every single situation, asking “what if?” But that isn’t the way I want to go through life. No. I know my purpose in life: to experience it. And have I found myself? No, I haven’t. But that is what I find so beautiful about life. It is not about ‘finding yourself’. It is about ‘creating yourself!’ So I can fully experience life, and get the most out of it, appreciating all the decisions I made that led me to where I am. I am not sure what direction my life will take next, but I am sure that every single random decision I make will direct the way the path will flow. So ask yourself. “Coffee, or no coffee?”

United By the Vuvuzela

It all started on a normal summer’s day a few years back. I was sitting in the passenger seat while my mom was driving her old red VW City Golf. She suddenly stopped driving, not even pulling over, but just stopping dead where she was. I turned around and noticed that all the cars had done the exact same thing. It looked like a scene from a movie. Everyone in their cars turned up the volume of their radios, allowing the sound to pour into the streets and meet, creating one big broadcast. A formal voice was talking, and then said the words everyone was waiting for: “...and the 2010 Soccer World Cup will be hosted by....”

The pause before he announced the country felt like a pause in time – everything was so quiet and still that you could hear your own heart beating.

“...South Africa.”

The streets came alive. The cars were hooting, the people in the cars were screaming, South Africa was smiling. We were about to experience something that not a lot of people will ever get to experience in their life, and we were going to make the most of it. Together. We were going to be the people who are able to say: “I was there.”

As the world cup drew closer, the excitement could be felt in the air. It felt as if the cold winters wind blew hard and spread it from person to person. The soccer jerseys were out, and for the high-heeled-wearing-David-Beckham-loving girls, so were the “Soccer For Dummies” guides. We could all feel it, it was here. The streets were packed with people spreading their excitement, blowing their Vuvuzelas as loud as they could a day before the opening ceremony. If you hadn’t been in the country for longer than a week, you could have never guessed that just days ago were media frenzies about the politics in this country: that there was such a tension between the people of different races that live in this country. No, because there on the street corners – blowing the Vuvuzelas and filling the air with laughter – was men and women of all races, and all ages sharing the experience together. All differences were put aside, and Julius Malema was definitely out of mind. There we were, along with all the foreign tourists, a nation: united by the Vuvuzela.

And so it began... As the first whistle blew, allowing the world to know that the first game of the 2010 World Cup was in play, so did the partying. I will never forget sitting in the bar watching my country on TV play in the opening game. The tension was shared between every single person in that bar. One Goal. That’s all we were waiting anxiously for. And suddenly...

“GGGGGOOOOOAAAAALLLLLLLL”

Everyone jumped up. Friends were screaming together, strangers were hugging, drinks were flowing. I felt, for one of the first times in my life, proudly South African: a concept we have been hearing in our country for years. A concept we were supposed to be a part of. But until that exact moment of our first goal scored – I had never felt the unity. I had never felt ‘proudly South African’. We didn’t win that game, but wow, we partied all night as if we did. And that is how the rest of the world cup went – one month full of such diverse people coming together to create one big party. The days were nerve wrecking as we waited anxiously to support our teams, and after each game (and after the smiles were shared and the tears were shed), we would dance the night away into the new day... and then when the next game was on, we’d do it again.

We didn’t win the world cup, but as a nation we had done something that meant much more that winning a soccer game. We pulled it off. People from all over the world came together here and celebrated winnings together, and supported each other through losses. We showed the world that yes – we CAN do it. In fact, we can do anything. The haters, the doubters, the cynics, and the faithless – I don’t hear them speaking up now? No, because they know. We all know. Our country didn’t win the world cup, but we are winners. We pulled it off, all because we came together. Our nation truly was united. United by the Vuvuzela.

A Memory On Every Corner

There will always be that one person you don’t want to forget – that one person you have to let go of, even though every bone in your body wants them. Tonight reminds me of him. The cold air hitting me as I gaze among the stars that seem extra bright make me remember him. I remember him, and I remember feeling warm when I was with him, even though the night was cold. It was cold, but not lonely. He is the type of guy that you don’t find very often. The type of guy that you fall for – but not because of his perfection. No, you fall for him because of his flaws. They seem to be so well suited to him, making him who he is, and you could not imagine him any other way. All the imperfections come together to create someone so perfect for you. It is kind of beautiful, really, how putting the flaws together creates something so perfect.

I knew it would never work out between us, there were always the past ghosts from both our sides as well as the inconvenience of distance – so letting go the first time wasn’t just an option, but rather a formality. But now: now when I come here, to this place where the sound of his husky voice could turn my whole world upside down in a good way, I remember him. It is hard not to. There is a memory in every single corner. Every few steps remind me of something he said or did in that exact position. I remember him, and I remember us, and I don’t want to forget it. I don’t want to forget the time we sat on the beach drinking and talking for hours under the cerulean sky. I don’t want to forget the way he made me smile when just moments ago it felt like everything was falling apart. I don’t want to forget the tears he had in his eyes when it was time to say goodbye. As hard as it is to remember, and knowing it is gone, I don’t want to forget. But I guess with a memory on every corner, forgetting is the last thing I will ever do.