A Bitter Sweet Obsession

They say that you attract more bees with honey than with vinegar. I say, bullshit. You see, I have this tendency, like half of the other girls I know, to somehow attract these outrageously good actors: each capturing my heart with a different role played intensely well. Lines well learnt, facial expressions precise, and tone perfectly in sync. Any drama teacher would be proud, and audiences would give a standing ovation while exclaiming ‘Bravo!’ after the show these guys put on. I attract them, one after the other, each bringing something new to the game that catches me by surprise.

So why do I seem to be attracted to the vinegar instead of the honey? The honey tastes so sweet, and the vinegar, it leaves that sting of an after taste. We all admit we want the honey, that we are looking for something ‘sweet’ – but deep down I think many of us enjoy chasing after the vinegar. There is something so dramatic and exciting about wanting something you shouldn’t want, about feeling things you shouldn’t feel. It adds some adventure to our boring routine lives. It is like your heart unconsciously falls faster for a bad boy, because it wants to amplify your life a little. I have got to admit, no matter how many times I tell myself and my friends that I wish I could just find a good guy, I am addicted to the vinegar. It is out of my power. Like a bitter sweet obsession. You see, with a good guy, things run smoothly and everything is ‘oobla di oobla da’. With a bad boy, you are constantly kept in suspense of what his next move is: you want something that you can never really tame or have, and that’s what keeps you coming back.

One of the actors in the play of my life actually said to me: “please, you will always want me, you love that I’m a bad boy” (what an egotistical prick), but he was right. I couldn’t get enough of him – in fact, I was completely addicted to him. No one could understand why I was attracted to him in any tiny way – they honestly thought I had permanent Vodka goggles. He left me with a sting time and time again, but I kept going back. Each after taste stung more than the previous, but still – I couldn’t get enough. It was only after I strictly walked out of his life, that I realised he was never going to want me the way I wanted him, and that is where the game ended for me: because once you realise that no matter how obsessed you are with it, the vinegar is never going to give you the sweet taste of honey, you realise that you just can’t handle the stinging after taste for ever.

At the end of the day, you have to decide for yourself whether the vinegar is worth the sting. The honey may be boring, but isn’t the sweet after taste worth it? These actors are quick to capture us – but they are also quick to let on that it is all a show. So instead of waiting around to see how the show plays out, maybe you should walk out of the theatre. You are going to be saving yourself a lot of drama and heartache that way, instead of becoming addicted to him and the mysterious way he plays out. It is something I have realised for myself after many experiences with this bitter sweet obsession. An obsession I have come to realise that leaves too much of a sting. Until you realise that for yourself, let the show go on ;)