Tuesday, May 4, 2010

A Bitter Sweet Obsession

They say that you attract more bees with honey than with vinegar. I say, bullshit. You see, I have this tendency, like half of the other girls I know, to somehow attract these outrageously good actors: each capturing my heart with a different role played intensely well. Lines well learnt, facial expressions precise, and tone perfectly in sync. Any drama teacher would be proud, and audiences would give a standing ovation while exclaiming ‘Bravo!’ after the show these guys put on. I attract them, one after the other, each bringing something new to the game that catches me by surprise.

So why do I seem to be attracted to the vinegar instead of the honey? The honey tastes so sweet, and the vinegar, it leaves that sting of an after taste. We all admit we want the honey, that we are looking for something ‘sweet’ – but deep down I think many of us enjoy chasing after the vinegar. There is something so dramatic and exciting about wanting something you shouldn’t want, about feeling things you shouldn’t feel. It adds some adventure to our boring routine lives. It is like your heart unconsciously falls faster for a bad boy, because it wants to amplify your life a little. I have got to admit, no matter how many times I tell myself and my friends that I wish I could just find a good guy, I am addicted to the vinegar. It is out of my power. Like a bitter sweet obsession. You see, with a good guy, things run smoothly and everything is ‘oobla di oobla da’. With a bad boy, you are constantly kept in suspense of what his next move is: you want something that you can never really tame or have, and that’s what keeps you coming back.

One of the actors in the play of my life actually said to me: “please, you will always want me, you love that I’m a bad boy” (what an egotistical prick), but he was right. I couldn’t get enough of him – in fact, I was completely addicted to him. No one could understand why I was attracted to him in any tiny way – they honestly thought I had permanent Vodka goggles. He left me with a sting time and time again, but I kept going back. Each after taste stung more than the previous, but still – I couldn’t get enough. It was only after I strictly walked out of his life, that I realised he was never going to want me the way I wanted him, and that is where the game ended for me: because once you realise that no matter how obsessed you are with it, the vinegar is never going to give you the sweet taste of honey, you realise that you just can’t handle the stinging after taste for ever.

At the end of the day, you have to decide for yourself whether the vinegar is worth the sting. The honey may be boring, but isn’t the sweet after taste worth it? These actors are quick to capture us – but they are also quick to let on that it is all a show. So instead of waiting around to see how the show plays out, maybe you should walk out of the theatre. You are going to be saving yourself a lot of drama and heartache that way, instead of becoming addicted to him and the mysterious way he plays out. It is something I have realised for myself after many experiences with this bitter sweet obsession. An obsession I have come to realise that leaves too much of a sting. Until you realise that for yourself, let the show go on ;)


  1. i hate tha you are having problems and even though I am young had never had a boyfriend I enjoyed reading this blog and knowing that someone else has the same problems

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  3. you write deep and you write well - but unfortunately i m not at all into sweet bitter obsessions - obsessions are psychotic in terms of people

  4. WOWO... this is I dont have words to say.. a bitter, explosive, truthful, from the heart Article I guess..

    WE all have the same problems , it depends how we take it and what the result is.. IT is true that we go for things which we cant have MORe .. its human tendency..

    But just think if you did have that guy as you wanted, you would have got bored and left him.. I am sorry to hear about the problems or whatever the reasons were.. but hey thats life , every relation has problems.

    But as you said in the last line the SHOW MUST GO ON .. So be it.. One day you will get and find someone who is meant for you .. till then have a blast and enjoy...

  5. Hm.... Kinda logical.
    Good one.


  6. hi Heels, the arrogant lover, who of course
    better be damn good, easily becomes a

    consuming passion. I've been there, and have
    had enough.

  7. way to live life outside the box...taking an extra leap...nice writing :)

  8. a very honest confession...i am more ofr honey than vinegar. Call me boring but i wudnt ever want to be with someone who doesnt want me enuff. :)

  9. A stinging obsession!

    I like the way you shared it!

    Try honey and not vinegar!

  10. Like the way you write...frank....blatant, outright.....and yet its so innately relative to the psyche....

    m gonna follow you! :)

    Keep writing!


  11. Not being able to understand whether you want honey or vinegar, and more so, not understanding the reasons behind it all indicates an utter lack of self-awareness. That you tend to choose vinegar for it provides adventure in life is just a make-believe theory made up to feed the unaware mind. There's no truth in it. If you really enjoy the adventure, then have it and don't talk about honey wistfully.

    Have noticed the slimier paradox in your previous post also.

    Upon the whole, a good attempt at understanding life... Keep it up :)

  12. Oh my freaking God, I LOVE this post! :)

  13. temme...is d sting more painful or d vinegar more pleasurable??

  14. i like your style, keep on writing.


  15. well said! and a lesson well learnt! thanks :)

  16. I am sooo totally following this blog.

    As for your question....it's not always about good and bad.... sometimes you just need to pick what you prefer... it's always a choice i guess...

  17. you must be leo or sagittarius ?

  18. I like the way you have linked vinegar and honey to real life.. Stepping out of an addiction is an easily taken decision, but keeping to it is the toughest. So cheers..

  19. Well the problem u have is the problem with most of the female population... And this problem of yours is driving nice guys like me to extinction... We dont wana be nice anymore just because of this reason... I think im gona write a post on my blog related to this one...

  20. Wow U have a different an thoughtful way of thinking. Ur blog is great. Thanx for checking out mines an hopefully u'll be check it out again soon

  21. oh yes..vinegar over the honey..familiar..way too familiar..nicely written..like how you write

    "He left me with a sting time and time again, but I kept going back. Each after taste stung more than the previous, but still – I couldn’t get enough."

    Best line..according to me