Thursday, May 27, 2010

Riding Between The Trucks

I have this fear. Well, I actually have two different fears that give me the exact same anxious and uncertain feeling. The first is when I am driving in the middle lane on the road – and on either side of me are big loud trucks. I always get so paranoid to drive up next to, or passed these trucks because it always feels like they are coming over into my lane. I know I will be fine, and I shake my uncertainties and drive ahead – but I get this anxious feeling that twists my stomach into knots as I get along with it. The second is, well, him.

When I am with him, I feel like I am riding between the trucks. He has this way of making me feel scared to drive ahead: like I am scared that I will be driven off the road. I get paranoid, and anxious, and a little crazy. I can’t help it – I wish I could. I wish I could just drive in the middle lane, and glide along at a decent pace, but as soon as I get near the two trucks I want to just speed up and get passed them – or more recently, just hit the brakes and get to a screeching halt. I can’t understand why I feel like this, all I do know is that this time – the fear and the paranoia have guided me to cause my own ‘accident’. This time – I am the one to blame for lying here right now hurt, and longing for one more. One more kiss, one more embrace, one more hello.

It is too late to go back and ignore this feeling I get: maybe it is for the better. Maybe it is my mind unconsciously saving me from a greater deal of hurt that might have come. I guess I won’t know though, the mistake has been made, and like most mistakes there is no going back and fixing it. So all I can do now is learn. I can learn to not let this ruin any future relationships. I can learn to listen to my heart, before I allow fear and paranoia take over my mind. I can learn to ride between the trucks: to trust, because after all, loving someone is giving them the ability to hurt you but trusting them not to.


  1. Wonderful! :)
    I enjoyed reading this post! :)
    The emotions are very well expressed through the incidence of trucks.

    Best wishes. :)

  2. for some reason u didnt like my comment on the last post...anyways i wil play safe here.

    The last couple of lines did real justice to the post. Touching post

  3. Hai.. nice blog and very nice way of writing..:) i work in automotive industry. tata motors.. :) i too fear to drive.. haha..:) nice justification has been given in the form of last lines.. grt going keep it up..:)

  4. Hi thanks for your visit
    Loved your story very touching ....
    We will come back
    we like your blog :-)

    Have a Happy Weekend
    Kareltje =^.^=
    Anya :)

  5. great blog....i guess you just began your blog journey..but nevertheless...its going good...nice collection of post...and welcome to blogger world

  6. Living with fear is sometimes safe compared to living with risk.....But who wanna die untouched!!!!

    God Post

    Smiles :)

  7. As Pacifier said, it is hard to live with fear/risk. But worth it in the end. Nice post.

  8. So am here now.. and I like what I see. You write real and that is great. Who hasn't gone through what you have?! Basically we are all the same no matter what part of the globe we are.

    Falling for the wrong person.. I can relate to that. But it didn't seem that way at the start. It always is, right? Well, to make it worth all the tears, we can tell ourselves that we have learned our lesson well and will move on from there.

    Thanks for dropping by my place.
    Take care and God bless you.

  9. You drive? :D
    That sounds awesome. :D
    The situations sound weird but you will eventualy make your way out of it. :)

  10. me first time around here...
    a 'feary' note to begin with... i think in everyone's life there is en element that makes him/her to be scared of sth...usually the object of our fear is only a projection of.... well, niways...
    drive safe, tc

  11. yes u definitely can learn from ur past... i think ur going in the right direction....

  12. V r all fearful of somethin or the other..

    V all make mistakes, learn from them and move on..

    Thanks fr stopping by :)

  13. seems like u have some kind of a phobia .....
    dont worry u will be alright ......
    everyone has some or other kind of fears......

  14. Even I feel the same while sitting in the car...your analogy is happens..but let your fears go..glide yourself peacefully and let destiny take over.

  15. loved especially the last lines.. it stands so very true in life and the understanding of this very fact can be at times quite rewarding in relationships..

    thanks for visiting my blog; happy I decided to check out ur place.. u've earned urself a faithful follower.

    Cheers & keep blogging!

  16. nice writings..keep blogging..

  17. Nice blog lubby dub dub ur writting keep it up.

    ::Inserts FB likes this icon here::


  18. Fear is Natural . Caution is imperative. Trust has dependancy.
    Last line was really wonderful :). I did read the whole thing few times to savour the depth nd subtleness.

  19. well, i guess you have already made your choice then :)

    and it is a brave one indeed..not many are strong enough to choose a life with the dangerous combination of fear and paranoia continuously haunting them...

  20. Pretty clinical finish ;) Really cool one :)


  21. hmmm but why are truck on either side.. are they not banned to drive in the third lane.. here in uk no heavy vehicles in thrid lane..

    hopw u wearing seat belts and drive carefully :)

  22. Good one. Drive carefully next time and get well soon. If someone's presence makes you feel so paranoid instead of making you feel safe and relaxed then i guess that it needs some introspection.

  23. be careful while driving :))